in which, inspired by the romantic longings and lustful rhymes of my good friend
pat, i lay bare some bits 'n pieces of whimsy and nonsense from the crackly yellowed papers of my past...
bisho* (or: watching tv)
singing and chanting
(just like in church)
the women, the children
back-lit by the sun
then all of a sudden
the soundtrack is broken
with screaming and crying
and rifles and guns
instant confusion
eclipses the joy
as crowds run and scatter
and bodies fall down
a tear puffs the dust
as it chokes up the throat
blood on the barbs
(of a barbed wire fence)
drips off like syrup
turning sand into mud
a crow shrieks out loud
the shrill voice of despair
no, not despair
its probably joy
as a tv newsreader
(cold smile and a wig)
looks down at his script
its over now, dear, the rugby's up nextturn on the kettlei'll make us some tea* Bisho is a place in South Africa where a peaceful rally went bad.----
no!
surely not!?
but what was it then
if it was not?
----
whispering fear
whispering soft
oh god what its fear of
i'll speak not again.
----
focus on people
focus on her
focus on dreaming
focus on him
focus on eating
focus on drink
focusing focus
i keep twisting round
but somehow there's never
any focus on me
----
he scribbled on my tummy
look what he did!
he scribbled in ink there
but nothing it said!
----
a friend is
no lover
no sex has its way
a friend is
no lover
but sex holds its sway
----
the hardness and throbbing
of blood in the veins
my cock feels like power
the power to change
it feels like its massive
harnessed by will
i follow its thrusting
until theres a thrill
but now its not standing
and i feel quite ill
----
pornography
is photography
that lets me see
some fantasy
while sexually
arousing me
----
say nothing to hurt
say nought to offend
what is it you say then
when nothing is said?
----
to know what you're thinking
is something i want
i wish that i could
think some of your thoughts
but no matter how hard
i tried to see you
nothing was there
i saw only me
so what are your thoughts then
can you show them to me?
and do you think its wise
that i want to see?
----
aha, she said,
its true you see
insanity is just the breadth
of life's intensity
----
i say what i think
and i think what i like
but sometimes i know
i don't think what i say
i want to be this
i want to be that
but sometimes i just
want to be what i'm not
i know what i see
and i know what i think
but i think that theres more
and i want to see that
----
tea before breakfast
(but dairy's no good)
tea without milk then
but
tea before ten
coffee at wake up
(caffeine they say)
but
coffee at wake up
will kick-start the day
but hold it one second
hold it right there!
is it not sugar
the drug that we seek?
----
don quixote fought windmills
and i lie in bed
thinking the thoughts
that chase through my head
wanting to push
where resistance is dead
thats not too much fun though
so i jerk off instead
----
i moved to
another city
to live there instead
to sever all ties
and start things anew
the trouble is
its me again
damn!
there is no easy way out
----
psyche, so what?
what is it you say
what is it you want?
i want you to stop
please stop pouring it out
but no
it just comes
and it comes
and it comes
psyche, please
i asked you to stop
(from where it comes
i wish i knew
but somehow i know
its all that i've got)
mre
x
